Come as it may, change is a menacing thing. It creeps up on you, slow and harrowing. When you are drowning in it, you realize what damage it may have caused. Time shifts and things change. Your world, which use to circle around these things, suddenly tilts and you fall into this deep, bottomless pit. People change. Some people can surprise you while others carry on with their twisted ways. Love changes. The feelings you may have had, captivating and ever so enchanting, wilt away lead by the change in people. Wounds of what once used to be turn into to perpetual scars, never fading.
Yet some sweet, stolen moments stay with you and cannot be altered with the passage of time.
Do you ever feel alone? When everybody around you is clamoring to go on with their lives and you just sit there waiting for life to happen. The same few people close to you giving you too much love or none at all. So you just sit there…feeling all alone. The mixture of ecstasy and confusion (of how you ended up in a situation like this) gets you overwhelmed. These feelings force you to make decisions, good or bad, both having consequences. And the burden of living through these consequences becomes heavier than the decision itself. The brighter side is that at certain rare moments, time loses meaning. A second becomes a lifetime. Or a day becomes the blink of an eye. Thus before you realize, most of the messy and ugly parts of your life are gone in split seconds. The downside? The painful moments can drag on excruciatingly. The cycle starts all over again. And as we dig into deeper parts of life, we fall and fall. Then we are given wings and we fly.
“While they all fall in love with her smile, she waits for the one who will fall in love with her scars.” ~The Dreamer
Some say love is a contemptuous phenomenon. It consumes you. Perhaps it is and it does but I do not believe the cynical outlook. I believe that…no one really knows what love is. Everybody is just along for an unexpected ride. Love is unanticipated and wonderful and despondent at times. It’s one of the rare things where your heart comes before your mind. Love is when sparks fly and those gleeful moments when you are with the one you love are the highlight of your day. I have never been in love. I hope to be someday. Although the word LOVE has lost its meaning in today’s world and till some extent… for me too. I’m fascinated by how everybody loves each other but no one really likes each other in today’s world. “I love you”… a common phase, is often said with meaning that does not hold true in the heart. But I know one thing for sure; there is someone out there who will hold a place so deep in my heart someday that the words “I love you” would not suffice my burning passion.
I am different; some say its my warm smile or my kind heart and the others say behind my back. The words spoken or unspoken, I have realized the difference most of my life. Never been the one to fit right in with the conventional crowd or been the one to make friends straight away in a new atmosphere. But the ones I have made stand by side, no matter what (most of the time). What worries me though, is that I am always the one to get hurt in a relationship. I, willingly so it would seem, would go an extra mile to stop and help anyone dear to me. However, the urge to reciprocate, to stretch oneself for another is not mutual which is what hurts me the most. Hurt has never been my strong suit and I get hurt very easily. But it will take a lot before I have an emotional break down. There are the peaks and downfalls in my relationships just like every one else’s and the moments of felicity make me over look the constant dull ache of the pain endured in the relationship.
Does the person who gives the most to a relationship always get hurt or am I the only one in for a lifetime of hurt? Am I alone in feeling all this?
“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life , because you become what you believe.” ~Oprah Winfrey
Hello Dear Readers,
This is my first attempt at blogging and my thoughts are a hot mess. I do not know where to pick up and where to leave off. Anyway, here goes. Today I lay in my bed at stared at the ceiling, but sleep never came. I was exhausted after the daily and the extracurricular activities but the exhaustion was no match for the urge of wanting to write. I was a writer before my family went off and made a big decision to move approximately 10,000 miles away from where I had settled for two years. I felt like I finally had a place in this world, like I meant something. But the whole world went against me and the feeling did not last for very long. I did not write for others but for myself. My diary used to be my best friend but now we have drifted apart like two magnet poles repelling each other. I have changed and I have lost a part of myself. But this first blog was just me, familiarizing and reuniting myself with the feeling of getting lost in my thoughts once again in life. Life is short after all.
Do you feel the same way, that getting lost in writing is the best part of life? Or am I alone in feeling all this?